Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
