I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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