i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Sext me about skeletons
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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