Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
