I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
