Where is the hickey?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
