clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
