it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
