She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize