I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
