Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
