i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
