We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
