3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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