I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
