I accidentally had phone sex last night
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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