if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
