I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
