i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
