My boss' voice literally gives me gas
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
