I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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