I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize