No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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