I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
