I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
