Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
How does it feel to date your dad?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
