i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Found your dick twin last night
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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