Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I will pee on everything he values.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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