Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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