burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
