lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
