I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
