Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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