I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
