His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
