i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
