woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
