ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
