Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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