my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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