Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
