That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
