He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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