I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
