and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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