I'm lost and stupid without you.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
