OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Randomize
