i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
