Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
he shaved USA in his pubs
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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