you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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