two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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