You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
