oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
