you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
