ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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