Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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