He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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