just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
In America we eat man semen.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
