So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
