Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
