Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
