i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
